I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
