She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
