a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
