So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
