last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
