well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
