i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
