But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You are a genius and a whore.
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