Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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