i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
