i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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