My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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