we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just high enough for therapy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
