My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
