I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
