Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
