do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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