then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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