You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
