It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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