I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
