Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
