god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
