I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
