I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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