I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
