i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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