in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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