someone owes me an orgasm
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
