she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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