How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
