you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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