Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
