do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone shit on the floor
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
