Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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