Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
