When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
