It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
