i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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