I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
