Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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