I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
