I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
did i just pee glitter
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize