turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My bed smells like the plague
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
