My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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