CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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