Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
