believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
