I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
