where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
