So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
