Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
